There’s a certain subject I’d like to talk about today. I don’t want to get too preachy about this, I’m just sharing my opinion about something. I hope most of you feel the same, but no judgment if you don’t. This is just my opinion, and it’s my blog, so this seems like the place to shout about it.
I was in the checkout line at the grocery store yesterday, trying to dwell on what the subject of my next blog was going to be. As I waited for the lady in front of me to decide which one of the eighty-seven items she wasn’t going to purchase after all because she was a dollar short, I started checking out the magazine covers. Usually, I expect to see any number of overexposed celebrities, such as Kim Kardashian or Justin Bieber or Kylie Jenner.
Instead, this is what I saw.
My celebrity
crush Amy Schumer on the cover of In Style.
Musician Meghan Trainor on the cover of Cosmopolitan. It sort of made me
happy. Not happy enough to buy the magazines, of course, ‘cause I’m a dude. But
still. It made me happy.
It immediately
reminded me of a significant memory from college.
When I was
younger, there was a girl in college I was absolutely in love with. For reasons
too numerous to explain here without going too far off topic, it just wasn’t to
be. But I’m happy to say that we remain very close friends to this day.
But there was a
day I recall sharing my feelings about this girl with a group of friends. And
even more clearly, I remember the thoughtless comment that one of them had
made.
“Oh, John likes
her? Oh yeah, that makes sense, since
he’s into fat chicks.”
I kind of stopped inviting him to parties
after that. This girl didn’t have a thin waistline, but calling her fat was
simply mean and dismissive. Not to mention totally off the mark. She was a
healthy weight, not to mention curvy and beautiful. Still is. I’ve never
thought of her as overweight.
But for years
after that incident, the remark was stuck in my head. At some point, especially
after my first wife divorced me, I started questioning my tastes in women. Was
I naturally more attracted to heavier girls?
During the two
years following my divorce, this question almost because a little crisis that I
had to resolve. So, mostly out of boredom, I made a physical comparison of all
the women I had either dated, found attractive, or taken home with me from a
bar. Out of scientific curiosity, you understand.
I made my list,
cataloging all the traits. Not an insane, obsessive, conspiracy-theory episode
with yarn and threads and post-its covering an entire wall sort of epiosde. Just
a few pages of notebook paper and a bottle of beer. I wanted to satisfy my
curiosity.
I discovered that
when examining all the girls I had developed some sort of connection with, I
was having trouble finding some sort of common denominator. There were just as
many skinny women as there were heavy gals in my list. Some of them were very
serious about make-up and clothes, others sported a natural look and were more
comfortable in jeans and pullover sweaters. Some of them were painfully shy,
others were outspoken and brassy. Some preferred books, others preferred
movies. Some of them were highly educated and successful, others struggled in
school. What was the common attraction? I had proven to myself what I already
know----I wasn’t just attracted to big girls. But there have been something.
Then it hit me.
And guys (and ladies), here’s the advice I hope you take from this.
With a few
notable drunken exceptions, nearly every woman on the list was someone that I
actually wanted to spend time with. I
mean, even if it didn’t mean seeing them naked at the end of the night. They
were girls that I actually liked being around.
Maybe I was one of the lucky one who had
known the secret all along, but I just wasn’t able to quantify it in words back
then. But there was the secret. It seems so simple.
In the end, I don’t
care if you’re a few pounds overweight. (Obviously, if you’re so heavy that it
affects your health, you should consider making different life choices.) I don’t care if you have a slender,
unblemished body. I don’t care if you have tattoos or not. I don’t care if you have breasts that are
barely visible, or if they could be classified as dangerous weapons. I don’t
care if you shave, or if you proudly display armpit hair and an untamed jungle
south of the equator. I don’t care if you’re smarter or more successful than
me.
What I realized
that I care about are the important things. Do you make me laugh? Do you like
me for who I am? Do you like yourself for
who you are? Are you as kind to yourself,
as well as kind to others? Do you like to laugh? Are you willing to give me as
much attention as I’ll give you?
The world
obsesses about physical beauty. Physical beauty is important, but when I see
magazine covers put impossibly (and often airbrushed) depictions of beauty on
their covers every single month, there’s an effect it has on people. It crushes
the spirits and the self-esteem of wonderful girls who don’t necessarily live
up to those standards. These are the women that get ignored by men who are only
looking for real-life examples of what they see on the magazine covers. These
are the men who are denying themselves the romance of their lifetime by looking
for something that isn’t there without the assistance of a highly trained
make-up team and Photoshop artist. (And going back to my original inspiration
for this article, it’s why seeing non-traditional beauties like Amy and Meghan
on the magazine covers this week made me smile.)
I’ve been
married to my wife for over fifteen years now. To this day, she can make me
laugh out loud in public by saying something I wasn’t expecting. To this day,
she’s the one I want to share my free time with. Because I fucking like her, as well as deeply love her.
I think most
men my age have already figured that out for themselves. I just hope that other
guys without as much mileage as yours truly learn these facts sooner. So my
point is, it’s not that I’m only attracted
to big girls.
The point is,
I’m only attracted to girls that I’d
want to be friends with.
Even more to
the point, you never know who your match is going to be. If you’re the type of
person who only goes for a certain body type, please consider knocking it off.
Keep your eyes open to everyone and
try not to obsess over the physical details. The love of your life might be a
blonde runway model, and she might be a curvy, purple-haired nerd girl.
You never
know.
John Yeo Jr. is the author of
THE KING'S TOURNAMENT and
MAMA SAUVETERRE'S CURIOSITY SHOPPE. Both of these fine fantasy novels are available on
AMAZON. His next novel,
THE INFINITE LEAGUE will be coming out in September. You can get updates by v visiting him at
www.yeoniverse.com
